Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Hi, it's not such a nice day in Singapore today with drizzles lasting throughout the whole day. Maybe it is the drop in the temperature that woke me up or maybe it was due to the nightmare I was having . I keep dreaming of my future job going bad like the students not liking me.
This made me really wonder that whether am I really cut out for being a teacher? Can you imagine a troll talking to a batch of kids whose English is very good? I can see myself standing in front of the classroom trying to convey to my students what I am trying to teach in grunts and hand gestures! I can imagine how tongue tied I am when I am answering questions that they asked out of the blue. As it can be deduced, I am not linguistically strong when it comes to speaking English. I even gets tongue tied even when my friends chat to me in English. This is really bad, how can I teach when I can't even speak well? I am hiding in a corner and refusing to admit the fact that I must improve, instead I am feeding my insecurities by masking it with anxieties and fear.
This is a challenge, and here I am admitting defeat even when I have not fought. There is another Chinese saying used especially to describe people like me, "to loose a battle even before the battle was fought". Haha I guess this statement describes me well. The thing about concussed trolls (like me) is that we will make promises and stuff but will never carry them out because we are too lazy or rather too concussed to carry them out. However, this time in order to make things work, I decide to declare on this blog the things I hope I will do. I will state in this post my pre new year resolutions:
1) I will try to be better to people around me
2) I will do my homework so that my students will not laugh at me
3) I will try to improve my English
4) I will try to pick up some Malay
5) I will spend 30 minutes on house chores everyday
Ok I guess five are enough for the day. Cheers to all concussed trolls out there and may I succeed
C.T
I must find the me, the one whom I know I wanna be ;
10:27 PM
