Saturday, July 08, 2006
This post is again a post to ponder over my role as a teacher.
happy things:
students clap when they know it is my lectures. It showed that they liked my lectures. It made me wanna go for lessons.
when I ask my yr 2s to do some stuff, they willingly did it for me. ppl like bess etc made me so happy.
When half of my class turned up especially for a performance when they do not need to come back to school for anything. I am touched, really touched.
but at the same time there are so many downs
some students felt that my class do not respect me in lectures cos they are so noisy, I know who the culprits are but yet I do not want to scold them in front of the whole LT. Am I scared of them? the answer is sort of. I do not want to taint the realtionship too much cos I feel I want them to like me, n that they are veri senstive gals. Touch them n thou shalt get their black faces. I do not want that. But yet they did this to me. the other students felt that my own students bully me. The sad thing is that I treat them only as cheeky. what is the balance? where shall it hang?
It really does not matter to me that my students tease me for being short cos I am used to it already and I also tease them back in the same manner. But yet to outsider students, they pity me, yeah the word they use is really to pity me cos I cant control my students. how do you define control. I do not boss them to do things nor freak them but I rely on their goodwill, Thus in a sense, I have to be on the students' good side. Once I had this chat with one student k. I was telling K that I should be stricter with them, K actualli asked me that is that the teacher that I really want to become? I answered that if I can teach them better if I become v strict, i rather be strict then. I am confused. I am really really confused. what kinda of teacher do I want to be? One more exp teacher told me to be the one who I really am. But who am I and will I be happy if I really am who am i? she told me that she is impressed w the amount of support I can get from my class, half of whom turned up for a event which I performed in. But yet what is the views of the outsiders?
after typing so much, i realise, I still have the gals n some guys whom I really take interest in n whom really like me. I will try to become a better teacher for them. Persevere!
I muz give myself time to find my footing. Jia you! Miss Concussed!
I must find the me, the one whom I know I wanna be ;
9:09 PM
