Concussed Troll

2007-04-02T16:02:00.000+08:00

da xiao ren, later when i free, i will do one to ensure that the Bl**dy B*tch will f*ck off... or kena something real badddddddddddddddd......................... then i will shuang ....

己所不欲勿施于人

2007-03-06T13:48:00.000+08:00

Juz one comment for todae

己所不欲勿施于人

2007-03-05T19:10:00.000+08:00

Feelings triggered by a juvenile show

It may seem weird, the bliss of watching a juvenile show and yet at the same time being so absorbed in the show. The show is peppered with lame actors/tresses who cant act for nuts, their expressions can be so hilarious that i cant help but laff aloud at their seriousness to really act.

However, the show trigger the primordial emotions that are hidden deep within the soul of concussed troll.

I felt joy when the lead male touched the face of the lead female, sad when she was confused and happy when the lead does so much for the female. It's a feeling of innocent passion, where the ultimate pleasure is a demure kiss on the lips, a touch is pure bliss, a devoted action to be the supreme act of love. Somehow, I have lost all these in a sense, how can i find my innocent self back?

I want to have the times when my hands will tingle, my heart will pump, my eyes will go all so starry at the simple action of a guy brushing my place and looking into my eyes.

Monday - a day to take stock

2007-02-05T10:00:00.000+08:00

MoNdAy - STock taking day =.=

Usually i try to take stock of what i do for the week on mon, this is how i feel.

2007-02-01T13:28:00.000+08:00

meetings can be info dissemination, that I dont mind
meetings can be pure crap? that I mind

2007-01-15T09:58:00.000+08:00

Special Dedication

For my friend, she knows who she is....

reflections from watching Paradise kiss

2006-12-27T10:53:00.000+08:00

The line between fantasy and real life

This morn, i decided to start work later as i know that i dun have the chance to slack like this once school reopens. so i woke up to breakie n my fav CSI before tuning into animax.

There are several things that made me real happy when viewin animaz, firts i know that witch hunter Robin is coming soon, second blackjack is also showing, Thk god i didnt buy the set in taiwan, can save some cash for my inpending wedding.

However, there are also things that made me quite disturbed. First, there is this anime that actualli documents the relationship between a female teacher and her student. Being a teacher, this actualli made me worried as this is a idea that I do not want my male or female students to have. haiz.. *shake heads*

The one that really sets me thinking is Paradise Kiss, it spoke about a female student known as purple who is "forced" to leave home because she cannot make the grades from her mothers point of view. She then moved on to modeling and lost her body to another model. In essence, i feel that she more or less made it because she is pretty, n she has helpful friends who lent their helping hands. One of her friends is rich and her family runs a fashion industry. Thus she is able to give Purple the starting step to success.

My reflections were:

1) how many ppl made it this way?

2) what are the prerequisites for a lifestyle like that, you have to be pretty, with the right height, with the right friends who are not only rich enough to give u a kick start in the fashion industry, a friend who is rich enough to lend u a place to stay in when ur mom "kick" u out cos u have no heart in studying n only heart for going out n having fun.

3) how many ppl got burnt this way? illusions of a better life out thr with minimum work?

I realise that all of this is crap, Purple does not take hart in dressing herself or maintaining her figure n relied on her friends to succeed.

Howmany of us have friends like that? how many of us can do w/o working?
All of these say one thing, fantasy is still fantasy. The real hard work is out thr. in real life, Purple will be a delinquent, who dropped out, n will drift from job to job. dreaming of a better life out thr!

Get a life kids, work hard! dun be like Purple, everything also rely on friends and only friends. Live for yourself, support urself!

Concussed Wanna go travelling

2006-12-10T18:13:00.000+08:00

Many things had happened after nov, 06, a very busy time for me.

First I had to take over my colleagues as they ALL either went on course or on leave, so for two days, I TOOK ALL the lessons for all 3 of them cos there were no one else.

Second, at that opptunate period, we have to prepare for examinations on the first week when the students returns.

Third, My research projects starts, I have to cheong into the hills with my students at least once per week.

Fourth, my lovely taiwan trip.

This time round, I really enjoyed myself with the Taipei trip, (can guage from my spending!) I bought n bought n bought.

First night is nothing memorable, the only memory i have is that why is the hotel so so so small, no bath tub, n also the hotel gave us a room that is next to the counter, water cooler/heater (cos there is NO water heater in the room) and lift. Thus you can imagine the noise, Every morn i will be rudely awoken by the laundry ladies and the etc etc, then when noisy ppl exits the lift or waits at the lift landing, I am also the first to know. I guess u get the gist of it. I ate a totally tasteless yuan yang guo. haha the evening was spent at xi men ding where i cheong cheong cheong the accessories. head bands, clips, earrings raid ah... :hoho: I also bought gifts for my students, will pass it to them when sch reopens

The next day, we spent at a more interesting place known as long shan si. One reason is to make mr Troll's family happy as his parents have the tendency to pray at every temple that we pass by. However, the trip is fun. I had fun cos i saw xie chang ting's promotion car right in front of the metro station. He is the fella who is running for taipei's mayor with the theme of making taipei able to host the olympic games by 2012. Then camera friendly Miss TRolly went up n steadily took a pic with the car n the banner. Next on the task list is to enter the temple. The temple is relatively big with a big waterfall right at the entrance. of cos we took pics thr. Then shopping at wu fen pu... BIG BIG BARGAINS!!, haha Bing's fav time. But can sense tat in laws are a bit sick of the place, actualli must forgive them cos wufen pu is a distributor and they carry small sizes which means my mom-in-law cant buy anything cos of her rather heavy build. N so we moved off to shi lin again. I got one of my wedding stuff there, my cravings for victorian stuff was satisfied thr.

DAY three, we went to the hot springs at Bei tou. Darling Lost his wedding ring thr. haiz, the hot spring is sulphuric in nature so the max time allowed is abt 20 min. i had a long long long time in dipping in the pool, cos it is like HOT!!! haha i thought i am bad until Hubby gets in, he took a MUCH LONGER TIME AH. laugh at me somemore la. a bit of backgnd info, the public pool is cheaper n unlimited use, but u have to go naked. Being conservative sg ppl, we chose the private room. Private room can hold 2 people max with 2 hrs of use in which one hr is the use of the lounge. I bought MA LAI REN a gift there, but tio con by the reception, she told me that it's a massaging stone, n when we gave the pressie to him. it turned out to be the worse embarrassment ever!! SORRIE IST, SI RECEPTIONIST, if i go back, i am going to get u!! we then went to the westernised end of taipei when we got polo ralph stuff cheap. n For one night, we didnt go back to shilin, THK GOD.
Rushed to 7 eleven to raid their magz section as meek asked me to buy some for her as well.

Day 4, jiu fen trip. Taking the train was a new experience, you can eat on the train although it looks like the metro. We took the train from taipei main station where i spied the magazine that meekie asked me to buy n realised I BOUGHT the wrong magazine last night. Oopies, so bought the right one. so sad. On the train, i realise that thr is dog shit under the seats, n that the train is still human operated, a officier will walk in to ensure that all humans are safely alighted before pulling the trigger to alight. The journey is long, i had time for reflection, i realise:

1) mom-in-law is tired, she slept throughout the journy
2)the housing system in taiwan like hong kong is terrible, houses can be build next to the stations. - they hang their washed clothes out to get dirtied by the dust?!!?? can they stand the noise? n in sg if the mrt is like 20m away, ppl already complain. haiz i will further reflect on my next post.
3) how poor the outskirts of taipei is.

Upon reaching, we realise our fatal mistake. neber go jiu fen on sat/sun cos it will be a internal hol for all residents of taiwan. We waited n waited n eventually took a cab. haiz it lightened our wallets by 100 NT each .. abt 5 bucks per person ( cabs are cheaper in taipei as compared to sg- craps to the person who suggested that sg cabs are somewhat the lowest in Asia), however can sense tt my in laws are unhappy but i am not going to stand waiting in queue, i came from sg not to wait but i think in laws wanna save .. i was like bus is 50 NT, need to wait, CAB IS ONLY 100 NT n no need to wait. wth? that is like 2.50 sg more? what for, if i am posted to taipei for 2 yrs, i might take bus, but I only have 2 more days left in taipei, i dun wanna waste it on waiting.

Actually the cab trip is worth it as the driver brought us to lao jie, a place that we didn't manage to walk to in our first trip. lao jie is full of tea houses and coffee places with great view. i went to this coffee house where they served me the real coffee i have been craving since day 2 in taipei. ( i have hunted for thick kopi in day 2 n 3 to no avail) . the shopowner after listening to our english accent declared my husband to be american chinese. hahaha or mei guo zhang da de hai zi. How come everyone sees me as taiwan ppl. Even when i declare that i am not bei di ren, they thought i am from gao xiong. *swt* I guess cos i speak fluently in mandarin, n i tend to spk faster when i am thr cos they spk to me faster. Haiz, so i am a taiwan mei with a ABC in jiu fen. I went to this shop where i bought meek a xmas pressie. n alot of keepsakes. ate n ate n bought what meek wants- the yam ball. BUT HOr.. tragedy on day 5. I also bought a glass horse for daddy, cant wait to give it to him

Day 5, i left hubby to pack while i went to get breakie, when i came back he told me every thing packed, BUT we left meek's yam ball n our petite cheesecake in the hotel fridge. haiz. well with nothing much ado, we went to xin kwang san yue, had a superb lunch n also bought my kose. After that, back to sg, haiz.
I really dun wanna come back

UNTIL THEN TAIPEI, i will be BACK!

What is ur expectations of self?

2006-11-09T09:05:00.000+08:00

There are a few factors that contributed to me thinking abt this todae, the expectation of self.

How do u view urself, how do u wish others to view u?

We have many facets of character which we want the world to see.

We wanna be a responsible and filial daughter

We wanna be a loving partner to our mates

We wanna be professional in our career, or rather we all aim to be.

Career wise, I aim to be a responsible teacher (in the process of becoming i hope)

The bare minimum I can do is to provide my students to a environment which they feel happy and safe to work in. This brings me to this other troll which I shall coin Bitchy Troll.

Bitchy troll is teaching one subject to my students, he professed himself to be a bitch, call my students 'attitude students', scream at students so loud that I can hear from the 2nd floor, walk out of the classroom after lessons without saying anything , proudly announce to the whole world that he reads his students' blogs, blogs abt my students as 'attitude students', and confronted students in class when they scolded him in their blogs. Challenge the students to blog negative things abt him in their blogs when they retort.

Is that how a teacher shld behave? If u cannot even handle your own emotions n keep a professional distance, are u even fit to be their teacher? Can you even handle my students?

The Karma effect.

2006-10-17T07:38:00.000+08:00

Krama is defined inHinduism, Buddhism as a action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation: in Hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman. This is especially true when I see this old troll. She is older troll, she is elder troll, so she has the permisson to make things hard for me. She has the sole right to vent her frustrations on others, she has the sole right to laugh at others. She has the sole right to be upset. She alone has the sole right to be upset in the office. Serioulsy, in my heart I had enuff of her and trying to please her.

People told me to believe in karma. I told them retribution will not come fast enuff

But when it's time, it's time. She had a lesson obs whereby older teachers obs her and give her a grade. Her PC went wrong, the lappies she took went wrong, the students knew nothing, she broke down in front of them. The only thing I wanna say is that what u do unto others will come back to you. There is indeed karma in the world.

The attack of the examination fevour!

2006-10-13T07:27:00.000+08:00

The attack of the examination fevour!

At the same time every yr, there will be a fever that burns throughout the whole school, teachers are caught up, students are caught up, even the aunties and the uncles cleaning the school gets caught up as they peep at the students who were feverishly trying to cover 9 months of work in like *Swt* 2 weeks? UP till now, my students told me that they do not have the time to do revisions yet. They have so many things on their mind, lessons, projects, the kitties in the school. There are so many time monsters and the students are doing all they can to kill the monsters. However, sometimes I wonder why it happens. I guess that the culture is no longer the same. or like what my students told me, I must have been a suoer nerd when I told them about my JC days. I shared with them how I "tide" over my jc periods. E.g how I balance all the subjects by doing tutorials for EVERY subject but only till the pt which I suspect the teachers will cover until. I will go home and study, till what time, sleep early etc. But to them my lifestyle is like a relic of the past.

a relic is known as
1.a surviving memorial of something past.
2.an object having interest by reason of its age or its association with the past: a museum of historic relics.
3.a surviving trace of something

Had breakfast with some fellow teachers just now and we agreed that students cannot concentarte and they tend to procastinate until the last moment ( I was kinda worried by this cos I am also a darn lame de procastinator de lo) *swt*

But final word is that, how do u expect to know how to do something when u have not been doing the tutorials for the past 9 months?

Trolly

The Ripple effect part 3

2006-09-27T11:05:00.000+08:00

The Ripple Effect Part III - the one-sided breaking of the fellowship

The one sided breaking up affair is also the hardest affair to describe because it involves the breaking up of some relationships that had lasted for at least 6 yrs. It is also a hard time because Miss Trolly feels like she had a hand to play in it. Miss Trolly has some friends n somehow with the passage of time, the friends started to gather into groups. Certain misunderstandings and miscommunications widen the rift between the groups. Miss Trolly has always been threading the thin red line carefully so that I can be nuetral. In fact, Miss Trolly was thinking of arranging a chalet to mend the gaps between the groups.

Unfortunately, a small pebble of dissent soon expanded and the ripples were all felt by the members. Some of us began to have a innocent idea (from their point of view) that might help some of the drifters to gather and "talk". However to the bulk of the friends, the idea seems like a coup or a mutiny to do their in. This is further complexed by the grapevine n malicious ppl who gossiped and made things wor. initially some knew, then more knew and by then the effects were not small and they keep on building up and the domino effects occur when one thing leads to another.

To cut a long story short, small disgreements, misunderstandings leads to fragmentation, fragmentation leads to more miscommunication amongst groups which in turn leads to more n more miscommunication before a action is taken. However when the action is taken, it is taken not in a accepted or a kind way but rather as a rebellious, unreasonable and unacceptable mutiny. This affected the morale of all those affected and also made bad blood between some old friends.

The small small unhappiness leads to a big big effect and a horrendous result.

May there be no more happenings.

May I know how to thread the thin red line more carefully this time round...

The ripple effect Part 2- the students n teacher war

2006-09-26T08:11:00.000+08:00

The Ripple Effect Part 2 - The student n teacher war between

A seed of discord, a orgy of voices, a mass of rumors, a widening rift between teacher and students. My class have a change of teacher, somehow or rather, the sense of humor of the teacher manged to irk some sensitive gals i have in the class. The unintentional grapesvine then amplified each small action that the teacher did until the matter blows up to such an extent that the teacher actually walked out of the classroom one day, refusing to teach my class anymore. I being the form teacher can only advise when needed, the teacher complained to me. I seek out my gals to clear the matter. But when there is such a high level of miscommunication, such a peak of unhappiness, such a depth of misunderstanding, all because one one single seed of discord. students spread to one another, teacher badly affected and more people affected.

The tower of bable starts......

The ripple effect.

2006-09-24T19:55:00.000+08:00

The Ripple Effect (part 1)

is defined as a a spreading effect or series of consequences caused by a single action or event.

There has been three events in my life recently that showed me how this is true. How a single seed of discord can result in severe consequences.

One: a irritated troll n a irate colleague

Trolly was having a bad day and was wrongly being verymean to her coordinator who asked her a simple question. The result was that the coord decided to leave the matter to later (smart of him, Trolly better learn this fast!) and deal with it when both of us are in a better mood. Thus he exited the room. However, Trolly was still in a black mood and slammed the door of the cupboard loudly.

When trolly was still fuming, one colleague A actually turned over n said loudly that I shouldnt slam the door. I mouth back to him silently " shuddup". colleague A was pissed also n went on to admonished me extremely loudly, saying that I am a adult, studied till uni, shldnt do this slam doors in orbit while i fumed in silence beside him. I admit that I am wrong but I still feel that this colleague do not have the right to tick me off so loudly in the office. I eventually apologised to him but i did also make my stand that he should not scold me so loudly cos I have feelings. He replied with saying that he understood that I was having a hard day. I almost wanted to tell him that he had made my day worse. But what for? I do not think we can be friends, we can only stay as colleague so I do not find the need to tell him that.

The next day, he put a piece of paper on my table, apologising for the past event. I find him such a hypocrite. He saw that I was fuming, he saw that I had tears in my eyes but yet he implishly added on to my problems at a time when I have no means to deal with it.

I must also admit that being the emotional fool I am, I had walked into a situation where he can harm me in such a way. Thus moral of the story, I should not allow myself to be leaded to such a situation again.

The seed of discord is sown, the ripple effect of a small tantrum is shown. I think for now on, he will remain as a colleague. N no more.

简简单单的生活

2006-09-21T10:50:00.000+08:00

jian dan de sheng hou - a simple life

This morn I was pondering over the possibilty of having a simple life. What do we define as a simple life? One whereby everything is not complex, where everything will not matter if you do not get it?

The first thing that I thought of was knowledge, the phase that goes ignorance is bliss. The less you know, the less you need to do and the lesser the responsibilty? Is that true? I really wonder. The more you know, the more you study, the role that you takes become bigger and alongside comes the greater responsibility. and thus the more stress that you inflict on your body with stress hormones. The hormones will then ralvange through the body n does more damage then it does to ppl with less stress at work etc.

Thus will a jian dan de sheng hou be easier for the body and mind alike?

Once again I ponder.....

2006-07-14T07:22:00.000+08:00

The weariness. The days just come and go. Wed and thurs were lecture days. Thus missy concussed was tied down and beri beri beri tired. Some things are happy, like the student being so attentive and quiet when I told them stories, manx can you hear a pin drop. I guess every student or human being has a "kaypo" streak in them. However, my class students are conssistently late and public humiliation do not seem to be a deterrent to them. I have to scold them after the lecture. what a nice show to give to all the students in front. haiz i felt sometimes I really failed as a teacher. Lateness, next time I am just going to start without the students as they chose to be late.

The illness. I am not feeling well at all todae and the night before. the throat seems to be burning up. Help, I am being incinerated from inside.!! haha well well, somehow I guess I can survive, afterall todae is friday, have faith!

2006-07-11T12:36:00.000+08:00

the grudge. It is weird when people cannot get along or why some people targets others. Miss Trolly seems to be biased against an predujiced against by this senior troll of hers. Without reasons, miss senior troll is harsh towards Trolly. When Trolly asked her for the lecture notes, senior troll actually bit at Trolly saying that since Trolly do not need the notes, why force her? harllo, the notes are supposed to be out in nov, n Trolly is kind enuff to ask only in apr. Then senior troll delayed and delayed till July, 2 days before the lecture before giving it to trolly. so fascinating, Trolly can compile everything in 2 days! n guess what? senior troll has the time to go to Korea in mid June.

when Trolly's boss asked trolly to get a piece of prac from senior troll. senior troll says, no, she dun have. everything is in the server, please go search myself. Cant she say things in a less rude way to me? why am I always the one at the end that is being scolded. Do I deserve it? the answer is I DUN THINK SO. so f*ck off senior troll.

what is worse than her biting remarks are the looks she gave me when I talk to her. She gives me the I dun care a da*n abt u look. n it hurts when people knows that she do not like me. Am I that irritating? I simply do not know and from this moment onwards, I do not care. furthermore I will not ask her anything if possible.

regards to senior troll when she goes to hell. what kinda a christian is she?

Trolly

The hype, the downs n the weird.

2006-07-10T17:04:00.000+08:00

the hype is finally over, I finally finished the lecture notes and submitted for approval, pending now is the marks and the bio-olym time table, seriously. I dun think I can finish all tonight. so many stuff to do but I think I can enter the marks for a class first. *yay* then do my record book n see how thw day develops.

The downs, can see that my students are sad with their grades, their faces tell it all. One repeat is loosing it, he is freaked cos this is the last chance that he has to prove it, n he did beri badly for his mid yr. Another was similiar and asked me if there will be more tests. In a sense, this test made them wake up. good for them. Some can score higher if they are willing to listen instead of chatting so much. God help them I hope.

The weird, I may now have to pay my first housing installments in case when it is not my fault cos I did not fill in one field in my insurance papers b.cos I do not know that I have to fill in that field b.cos my agent didnt tell me b.cos he dunno that I need to fill up that field. Take ur time to fingure that out. 1300 is alot to me per month, how am I supposed to pay that? so I cant scold me cos it is not my fault n i cant scold him cos he claimed that he do not know. Haiz. I think next time the best thing is not to assume but hound ppl here n there and everywhr so that I can get the thing done. *namo* that the policy can be approved asap so that I do not need to pay in cash. K, rants are over, time to work.

Things will be better in the morn ~ or it seems

2006-07-09T09:36:00.000+08:00

Miss Trolly is a morning person so whenever it is early she sets out with a full list of resolutions so that she can get her work done. The mornings also instils a fake sense of security in her as she believes, "what the heck" I have one whole day in front of me! I can do it" so she procastinates n shakes legs away till suddenly, she realises "wth? It is already late noon?". lets hope that thisday wont end up liddat that. With this, the end of this post... MISS TROLLY.. conc on lecture notes!!

the confusion of who I am and what am I supposed to do.

2006-07-08T21:09:00.000+08:00

This post is again a post to ponder over my role as a teacher.

happy things:

students clap when they know it is my lectures. It showed that they liked my lectures. It made me wanna go for lessons.

when I ask my yr 2s to do some stuff, they willingly did it for me. ppl like bess etc made me so happy.

When half of my class turned up especially for a performance when they do not need to come back to school for anything. I am touched, really touched.

but at the same time there are so many downs

some students felt that my class do not respect me in lectures cos they are so noisy, I know who the culprits are but yet I do not want to scold them in front of the whole LT. Am I scared of them? the answer is sort of. I do not want to taint the realtionship too much cos I feel I want them to like me, n that they are veri senstive gals. Touch them n thou shalt get their black faces. I do not want that. But yet they did this to me. the other students felt that my own students bully me. The sad thing is that I treat them only as cheeky. what is the balance? where shall it hang?

It really does not matter to me that my students tease me for being short cos I am used to it already and I also tease them back in the same manner. But yet to outsider students, they pity me, yeah the word they use is really to pity me cos I cant control my students. how do you define control. I do not boss them to do things nor freak them but I rely on their goodwill, Thus in a sense, I have to be on the students' good side. Once I had this chat with one student k. I was telling K that I should be stricter with them, K actualli asked me that is that the teacher that I really want to become? I answered that if I can teach them better if I become v strict, i rather be strict then. I am confused. I am really really confused. what kinda of teacher do I want to be? One more exp teacher told me to be the one who I really am. But who am I and will I be happy if I really am who am i? she told me that she is impressed w the amount of support I can get from my class, half of whom turned up for a event which I performed in. But yet what is the views of the outsiders?

after typing so much, i realise, I still have the gals n some guys whom I really take interest in n whom really like me. I will try to become a better teacher for them. Persevere!

I muz give myself time to find my footing. Jia you! Miss Concussed!

this is a reminder that i aint perfect

2006-07-03T14:38:00.000+08:00

ppl tell me that I have to be better to myself n yet I am not good to others too.

by reading my student's blog, i realise that I hurt them in certain ways, first I hurt them by jumping to conclusions and assuming things.

Thus I muz not assume things in the future, the key her is to give ppl chances to explain. Maybe I do not do that, maybe my temper is too big. This is a good learning experience and I will not let my emotions get the better of me this time. I wil learn to ask first then scold

second, my way of phasing things can be donebetter, for e.g. instead of saying I will be popping by to check on u, i can say things like, I will be stopping by to help when I can.

instaed of offering detention all the time, i muz bear in mind that they are students and may be mature students. Thus I cannot always threaten with detention. These I muz learn

Trolly , pls speak slowly so that u have time to think. Thks

Why am I up at 4 am?

2006-05-04T03:58:00.000+08:00

reason being that I am trying to finish all the work that I have. Sometimes I really wonder if I am cut out to be a teacher. There are like 1001 things that I have to handle a day

lets have a small break up of a "leisurely day" in the school and i mean compared to the others, I am already beri relaxed.

730 to 740 - read through email so i know what to inform my students
740 to 8 - with students
8 to 9 - meeting
9to- 950 - prepare for my lecture
950 - 10 - talked to fellow teacher about this student of mine
1030 - in lecture
1030 to 115 - lunch
1115 to 1145- practical talk
1145- 1230 - prep for lec
1230 to 130 -lec
130 to 2 - student matters - monet matters
2 to 330 - working
330 to 530 - CCA
530 to 630 - travelling
630 to 745- food + walk home
745 - 845- relac
845 to 945 - work on minutes of meeting
10 - accidental KO
330- working on minutes

that is juz a short day........

Am I fit for anything else?

The downs of being a teacher

2005-11-16T07:20:00.000+08:00

zThe day before was the day that we teachers had to reveal the results to our students. There were 4 teacher supports in the class i went to for support. I had the first hand experience of looking at the students' breaking down. A part of my heart broke down together with them. Yet at the same time I had to be strong and advise them. To do my students credit, there are indeed students whp managed to do very well (bless them!, people like Kai, Rauzan, Sunesh and Bessie) did so well then I yearn to hug them. In the midst of so many depressed fellows, they have had no mood to study. They were so elated but yet in their celebrations, there is a ache in their hearts as they consoled their fellows who have to be retained. How can I dun love students like them. They are my pride and my joy in life.

At the same time, students are breaking down. They never thought that they will be retained. When I was consoling and advising them, flashes of my friends own failures kept flooding my mind. I really love those kiddos of mine even if they are naughty at times. Their hearts melts me. But they will have to be strong and go on. They have to be. Jia you to my students and jia you for me. I will see them again next year. I will try to be stricter with them also.

Lurve ya

Missy Troll

The happiness of being a teacher

2005-08-26T09:52:00.000+08:00

The last week was a very hectic week but on the whole, I enjoyed myself as my students enjoyed themselves during the lecture. One student actualli commented, teaher why do u hate lecture, we love ur lectures when i commented i detest lectures cos it takes up so much of my time. Another group of students followed what I said as law and watched the TV program that I recommended them to catch on "nature vs nuture". My gawd, it is so so so furfiling when they look at me with their eyes and earnestly told me what the show was about. I really like being their teacher manz! I wanna be their teacher forever if possible :D. Students also chased me all the way till tutorial after their lecture to ask me why i neglected to talk about a topic which i promise to talk about in their lecture. haha tok abt the trills of being interesting. N the trills of students being interested in me. In this, I know why I chose to become a teacher. I know no matter how late i stayed up to do my powerpoint and how tired my soul n body is, I will do it for them. FOr my students who are my life now. My classes, I love you. I wish all the best for you.

I also crash gated the class photo taking because I told my class that I do not have a form class and thus I cant take any class photo. However, they asked me to join in their photo taking. N thus i crash gated their photo taking session. Haha :P. They even came knocking at my tutorial and asked me to go out n take with them. my gawd. I do do love those kids, most importantly, I missed their smiles.

The confusion saga-the tower of babble in the modern world

2005-08-12T11:18:00.000+08:00

Been through a few lessons these few weeks. I started off fine as i really like my students and I like to do work for them and be involved in whatever they does. But I am beginning to loose stream cos i realise that I cant think things out at their level. I am confused by their confusion cos I do not understand what they are confused about as we are at different levels!Things that seem easy and trivial to me are hills and mountains that they have to climb over complete with add ons like oxgen tanks. I, who have reached the peak already, cant see their difficulties and thus dunno what equiqment i can hand to them to help them ascend to the peak. However, I can see this failing so I will strive to work towards providing them with the right tools. I will survive!!! My students muz reach the peak. I will do it!!!

2005-05-07T11:21:00.000+08:00

The day which I felt odd – 06052005

I went to KTV and lunch with a group of friends of mine from NIE the day before. Somehow or rather, I feel that I am being so detached from them. The two girls there were dressed in branded from top to toe and one of them even carries a authentic Gucci bag. Haha… I guess I can only see those in shops or I can see a lot of fake ones around. I am not a snob, but I can’t help but realise the difference between me and them. Their bag and pay for everything I am wearing and maybe 3 to 4 times the amount of clothes on me. As we were shopping around, they went into gold jewellery shops to browse at diamonds and gold. Well, I can only browse in sliver shops I guess. Am I in envy or what, I am not envying them really but rather, I feel that I cannot be with them or something like that, I mean I am different from them and maybe for the first time I sense the status disparity between me and them. Is there truth in that there is no such thing as a elite class? Boy is that lying man, the only thing I can do is to save up. But do I really want to become like that? I cannot lie but say that I yearn to have their class or their beauty but can I really spend so much on material things? Seriously, I do not think I can because I do not want to throw my money away. But I do yearn to be looked up and more importantly, I yearned to be beautiful and have styles like them. This is so hard. Sometimes I really do not know what I am saying anymore, one of them whom I will call Cathy; she told me that I had low self esteem. Maybe that is why I want to look pretty but on the other hand, who doesn’t want to look good?

I also had my first sadness at KTV. I was usually looked up to when I go KTV as I can sing somewhat. But yesterday, the other gal can sing much better than me. Arm actually told her to take over me n sing. BOY!! I was darn depressed but I hope that I did not show it on the surface though. I am really sad, the only thing that I can gain recognition for is no more. How can I not be sad? Maybe this is a self confidence issue, but I really yearn to be known to be good for something. This is too bad. Hahaha the downfall of the KTV cheongster!!

The journy between

2005-05-04T11:25:00.000+08:00

Sometimes the best part of the tour is not reaching the destination but the way there. Many funny things happened to me on my trip to Kuala Lumpur (KL) that made the trip really amusing and entertaining for me.

The first part of the journey was made very interesting by a pair of “bimbos”. They are two fashion plates that really made me believe that there are really bimbos in the world. I used to think that the term was too harsh but after the trip, I think that there are indeed females in the world that really deserved the term! They managed to delay the whole coachful of people by more than one and a half hour. First, they could not get on the bus when all the people were already on the coach, then they could not find the bus again when we passed the Singapore customs and to make things worse , the bus driver had to go down the coach and search for the two missing babes at the Malaysian customs. Although it can be quite frustrating but it actually became quite interesting as I anticipate for their arrival. Actually, to look at things from their point of view, it must be quite frustrating and not to mention quite worrisome when they could not locate the coach. But just imagine the feelings of the poor people on the coach who were waiting and waiting (and whilst waiting, finished the whole disk 1 of the movie that we were watching).

The final part of the journey was also entertaining as we had a driver who must had been a race car driver when he was youngJ. He simply raced all the way back from KL to Singapore on full throttle. We left Berjaya Times Square on the dot and I heard from Kevin dear that we almost got into an accident whilst I was dozing blissfully and unknowingly on the coach. The coach also got an interesting defect with the suspensors; we had the experience of being jerked up and down on every small bump or porthole in the road. I feel if we had a bad experience on the roads, the coach driver must had a worse experience as he was like horse riding on a bus! I was not embarrassed to say that I spent at least an hour on watching the coach driver bounce up and down on the bumpy expressway. We also had fun watching the coach driver “make his own third lane” by driving on the road shoulders and also race pass cars that can’t drive beyond 60 km per hour. Haha, but nevertheless I have to thank him as by his notorious driving, the coach managed to make it to the Singapore customs by eight pm and avoid the jam that plagues the customs during the holiday season. Kudos to the coach driver! J

The way is still long

2005-04-03T10:35:00.000+08:00

Miss Concussed Troll is a teacher, or rather a teacher wanna be. She is facing extreme stress, and she is apparently having serious problems in her mental state. Sometimes she really wonders is she really cut out to teach. All the romanctism she used to has about teaching is all gone as I realise that the students ( not all, thank god!) do not really desire to learn. She can only be good in planning lessons which she thinks will attract the students. But if the students themselves do not desire to learn. What else can be done? What can be done?

No matter how well the lesson is planned, as long as there is no classroom management. The students had not learnt at all. This is the fundamental. I dunno what is wrong. I dunno why am I always escaping from things. I should just stand up and face things. Smile in the face of troubles and laugh at them. Grow stronger from the incident. But i cant. I cannot........ I will never...... how to face up to things and get things done. I want to get things done but yet I am wasting time doing "displacement" activities like posting on this blog of mine.

Miss Concussed troll is now miss stressed up, pent up, frustrated troll. How can I ever become a teacher? I simply do not understand. Maybe I am not good enuff really

students hate me, student do not understand me. Maybe it is because I do not understand them as well. How to................ god bless.

The Postmath of watching a korean movie

2004-12-09T18:53:00.000+08:00

I watched a Korean show last night. The attractive thing about Korean shows are that the movies will have a sub plot in which the viewers have to discover themselves through watching the whole movie provided that they are not too distracted by the main plot which can be very wacky at times.

The movie I watched has a main plot which is a "plain" gal falling for a guy in her english class and got her dream guy to fall in love with him after going through a whole series of mishaps. In addition, she managed to master her english at the same time. However, it is the subplot that is really sweet and captivating right from the start.

The female lead was always wearing size 5 shoes because all the shoe salesmen she went to told her that she is a size 5. However, she never realises that she get corns and a painful foot because she was trying so hard to fit into the shoes that others have chosen for her. Likewise, she is following the image that the others have of her that she must be a size 5. In addition to her shoe size , people also gave her views of what to wear, she wanted a pair of fancy red shoes with heels but the salesman told her to get a pair of plain shoes b/cos plain is good enough for her.

In a sense, she is always trying to live by other's standards. Other people wanted her to be size 5 and saw her as plain. However, She do yearns for some spice in her life by wanting a pair of red fancy shoes with heels. In the end she conformed and got the size 5 plain shoes that the others want her to buy. Morever she never thinks about her own comfort but rather conform to what others feel that she will be comfortable in. Thus, she always feel plain because the others around her made her feel that she is.

Then the male lead comes in. He noticed that her shoes are too small and bought a pair of size 6 for her and more importantly, he bought her a pair of red fancy shoes with heels. He makes her realise that there are other options open to her by showing her that she can have a different shoe size and be comfortable in her shoes despite the others opinions. He showed her also that plain is only what the others view of her, as long as she and he view her, she is as pretty and special as that red fancy shoes with heels. She grew confident because of him.

Sometimes, in life, this is what happens too. Are we not living by others standards instead of ours? Are we not as affected by others opinions instead of our own?

C T

A day in the life of a linguistic inept

2004-12-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

Hi, it's not such a nice day in Singapore today with drizzles lasting throughout the whole day. Maybe it is the drop in the temperature that woke me up or maybe it was due to the nightmare I was having . I keep dreaming of my future job going bad like the students not liking me.

This made me really wonder that whether am I really cut out for being a teacher? Can you imagine a troll talking to a batch of kids whose English is very good? I can see myself standing in front of the classroom trying to convey to my students what I am trying to teach in grunts and hand gestures! I can imagine how tongue tied I am when I am answering questions that they asked out of the blue. As it can be deduced, I am not linguistically strong when it comes to speaking English. I even gets tongue tied even when my friends chat to me in English. This is really bad, how can I teach when I can't even speak well? I am hiding in a corner and refusing to admit the fact that I must improve, instead I am feeding my insecurities by masking it with anxieties and fear.

This is a challenge, and here I am admitting defeat even when I have not fought. There is another Chinese saying used especially to describe people like me, "to loose a battle even before the battle was fought". Haha I guess this statement describes me well. The thing about concussed trolls (like me) is that we will make promises and stuff but will never carry them out because we are too lazy or rather too concussed to carry them out. However, this time in order to make things work, I decide to declare on this blog the things I hope I will do. I will state in this post my pre new year resolutions:

1) I will try to be better to people around me
2) I will do my homework so that my students will not laugh at me
3) I will try to improve my English
4) I will try to pick up some Malay
5) I will spend 30 minutes on house chores everyday

Ok I guess five are enough for the day. Cheers to all concussed trolls out there and may I succeed

C.T

I am but a half empty vessel

2004-12-03T15:03:00.000+08:00

It's a bright friday afternoon. Sun is shining in the blue blue sky. I am here wondering what do people say in blogs? I am still kinda lost as to what to say. Must i have alot of insights or opinions to be able to share what I know to tell the world? haha... the only thing that comes to my mind now is a chinese saying. The saying is that a half empty vessel makes the most noise. The meaning is something like when the vessel is empty, it will not make any noise because it got nothing inside it, a full vessel will not make any moise because it is too full. A half empty vessel however makes alot of noise because it is only half full of what ever fluid it is holding and the fluid makes noises as it knocks against the walls of the vessel.

It reflects on humans, when a individual have nothing in his brain, he keeps quiet because he nothing to say. A wise man will keep quiet because he is wise enough to give comments when he should. Whereas a person who knows something will be fighting to say his piece because he wants to be heard and is not wise enough to know the more he speaks, the more mistakes he makes.

By saying so much here, I also also a half empty vessel who yearns to be heard and be recognised? Who is not a half empty vessel? Afterall empty vessels just want to gain respect............

Concussed Troll

己所不欲 勿施于人

Monday - a day to take stock

reflections from watching Paradise kiss

Concussed Wanna go travelling

What is ur expectations of self?

The Karma effect.

The attack of the examination fevour!

The Ripple effect part 3

The ripple effect Part 2- the students n teacher war

The ripple effect.

简简单单的生活

The hype, the downs n the weird.

Things will be better in the morn ~ or it seems

the confusion of who I am and what am I supposed to do.

this is a reminder that i aint perfect

Why am I up at 4 am?

The downs of being a teacher

The happiness of being a teacher

The confusion saga-the tower of babble in the modern world

The journy between

The way is still long

The Postmath of watching a korean movie

A day in the life of a linguistic inept

I am but a half empty vessel

己所不欲勿施于人